Are You in Love - or Are You Trauma Bonding?
If you find yourself losing your sense of self in a relationship or constantly walking on eggshells, this may be for you.
What we often call love may, in fact, be a reflection of unresolved childhood trauma or wounds - patterns we subconsciously try to heal through our adult relationships.
What Is Trauma Bonding?
Trauma bonding occurs when intense emotional experiences - often involving fear, inconsistency, or emotional neglect - create a powerful but unhealthy attachment.
It can feel addictive, compelling, and oddly “meant to be”. Soulmates, perhaps? But it isn’t love.
When love in childhood was conditional, chaotic, or emotionally unavailable, we often confuse the intensity of trauma with the intimacy of true love. The subconscious seeks what is familiar - even when it hurts.
Signs of Trauma Bonding
- Emotional highs and lows are mistaken for passion
- A sense of being “hooked”, with identity feeling lost rather than connected
- Persistent anxiety around the relationship potentially ending
- A constant need to tread carefully, as though walking on eggshells
- Inconsistency is perceived as chemistry
- A compulsion to “fix” or rescue the other person — or to be rescued
These dynamics often feel magnetic, as they reflect the emotional environment experienced during early life.
What Healthy Love Typically Looks Like
- Emotional safety and mutual trust
- Genuine curiosity about the other person
- A balance of autonomy and connection - both can co-exist
- A willingness to grow and explore together
- Consistent emotional availability - not occasional validation
The Core Difference
- Trauma bonding is driven by fear and unresolved emotional patterns.
- Healthy love is built on connection, freedom, and conscious choice.
What Now?
Recognising that a relationship may be rooted in trauma bonding is a powerful and courageous first step.
Through hypnotherapy and inner child work, you can begin to:
- Heal the subconscious patterns that drive your attractions
- Break the cycle of “chemistry equals chaos”
- Cultivate secure attachment - within yourself first
- Attract partners who offer stability, depth, and genuine intimacy
Final Thought
Love should not feel like losing yourself.
It should feel like becoming more of who you truly are.
